why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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