why didn't you poke me back
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize