she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
