My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
