duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
