Got a toothbrush?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
