In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
