Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
