The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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