I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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