That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
