He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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