a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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