Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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