im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
