my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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