Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
