we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize