maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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