What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
