Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
