im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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