Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
