you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
