I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
