Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
