so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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