Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize