I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
