whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
