I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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