I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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