I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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