I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize