"it" just moved
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize