Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
