You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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