I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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