I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
