you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
FUCK WHALES
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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