I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize