I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
