I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
