I accidentally had phone sex last night
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Randomize
