one two three fourrrrnication!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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