I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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