I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
