i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My penis needs a shock collar
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
