I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
