Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
