I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
