Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
