Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
