Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
