I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
