Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have fence marks all over my body
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
