Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
