Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize