On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How does one acquire holy water?
I need water and some morals
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
