Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Found your dick twin last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My bed smells like the plague
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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