i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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