I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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