she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
