On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
