thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
