Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
