You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
