i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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