I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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