I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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