Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
