Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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