Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
