I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
