I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
ttyl tear gas
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
