Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She said her name was "party"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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