would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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