I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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