I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
