There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
