just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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