Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
