At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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