My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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