apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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