why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
