walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize