Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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