Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
