btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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