I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
