is your mom at the bar?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
