Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Randomize