I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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