So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
