I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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