Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Jerry, you need to find god
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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