I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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