you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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