I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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