he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
