Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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