My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
