My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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