Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize