um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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